Currently Reading The Voyage of the Dawn Treader (rack) (Narnia) By C. S. Lewis see related

So I finally have a conclusion to this crisis that i've fondly entitled.....I hate school! I received an email last week from the Director of Financial Aid and the Registrar of the school...........and the final verdict is...............oh you can't stand it, can you? The anticipation is building, reaching its boiling point. You're twitching in your chairs, hearts pounding, hands shaking. Thoughts are buzzing in your tiny little heads right now. What happened Adriana? Did they delete your classes? Did they reject your request? Are you doomed to a life of un-education, and no future? Can you ever recover from this most terrible occurance, and how will you survive? Do you dare try??...................well my friends, all I can say is...........that.............the...........school................(haha-thats annoying, isn't it).......has deleted all of my classes and fines. It is all over ladies and gentlemen. The waves have ceased their tossing and turning and rolling and there are clear skies ahead. ooh....that was poetic. You should write that down. Yep. God did it. He fixed my problem-a problem to which I was little help if any at all. I think i'll own up to what Dusty called me last Friday-a bit of a worrysome person....maybe ;) But my God is faithful when i'm faithless. And He's always with me in midst of trials and troubles. He promised that He would be. So I guess all I can do is trust in Him and believe Him. That's all any of us can do sometimes. But what else is there to do? And do I really want to take the chance of handling life on my own? I've seen how that turns out, time and time again-and I would much rather leave me to my Creator who knows me better than I know myself. So in conclusion to this rather "trying" episode in my "non-trying" life, I would just like to say....that God is awesome, amazing, so wonderful and so merciful. And thanks to all of you for your encouraging words and hugs and even for your subtle slaps in the face to jar back reality when I needed it. They kind of hurt....but I forgive you. Anyways, it was a fun situation that I would prefer never to experience again, so here's to next semester and hopefully this time I can make it past the first month....maybe. ;) I love you all oh sooooo much-much more than extra O's on the end of so can explain. God bless guys and gals.

Currently Reading Extraordinary Faith : God's Perfect Gift for Every Woman's Heart By Sheila Walsh see related

Psalm 91:1-13

You who live in the shelter of the Most High, who abide in the shadow of the Almighty

will say to the Lord, "My refuge and my fortress; my God, in whom I trust."

For He will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence;

He will cover you with his pinions, and under his wings you will find refuge;

His faithfulness is a shield of the night, or the arrow that flies by day,

or the pestilence that stalks in darkness, or the destruction that wastes at noonday.

A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand,

but it will not come near you. You will only look with your eyes

and see the punishment of the wicked.

Because you have made the Lord your refuge, the Most High your dwelling place,

no evil shall befall you, no scourge come near your tent.

For He will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways.

On their hands they will bear you up, so that you will not dash your foot against a stone.

You will tread on the lion and the adder, the young lion and the serpent

you will trample under foot.

Verses 14-16

Those who love me, I will deliver.

I will protect those who know my name.

When they call to me, I will answer them.

I will be with them in trouble.

I will rescue them and honor them.

With long life I will satisfy them and show them my salvation.

There are so many times that because of my faulty nature, I allow myself to become so bogged down with things. I can become stressed out so easily, too easily sometimes. I don't allow myself to see the whole picture because i'm too overwhelmed by the problem blocking my view. And sometimes I make the big mistake of allowing my problems to block out God as well. I know He's always there with me, but sometimes its like I almost forget. I immediately assume the worst, and just take what "bad" gives me. I was driving home from school today on the verge of tears because of recent situations. I went there wanting one thing, and I left there with something else entirely. Jamie seems to think its a good kind of different, but of course, I swooped right in there and managed to convince myself there wasn't anything slightly hopeful about my situation. We were on our way home, me whining, him trying to cheer me up, and everything just seemed wrong. I mean, c'mon-how could any of this possibly work out? Right? WRONG!!! I didn't realize it till Jamie said it ten thousand times (thank you Jamie) that my moping, my worrying, my stressing out beyond extremes and my negative attitude towards this whole situation is dead wrong, sinful even. God calls me to be joyful, hopeful, and faithful. Walking out of KSU today, I was none of those things. I looked terrible and mopey, and I felt even worse. Not at all like the christian God has called me to be. Not at all like someone with something as amazing as life to shout about. Not at all like someone saved by God's sweet grace. In an attempt at finding a moment's peace of mind after a crazy day, I flipped open my Bible with my eyes closed,  and I randomly thumbed down the page stopping on the first thing I saw when I opened my eyes. I opened my eyes to Psalm 91 entitled Assurance of God's Protection. And it hit me, more vividly in that one moment than it had during all my moments of much needed clarity all day combined. Assurance....of God's Protection. He promised me. He promised me protection. The God of all creation knows exactly what i'm going through right now. And He has it all under control. What do I have to worry about? There may be doubt in my mind right now about what will happen Monday afternoon (i have an appt. at 1:30 with an advisor), but there isn't any doubting the outcome of all of this. I know it'll end up exactly where God wants it to end up, and it'll end up there for a perfect and divine reason. Those who love Him, He will deliver. He will protect those who know His name. When they call Him, He will answer them. He will be with them in trouble, and He will rescue them and honor them. God promised me that. I may not be able to trust people and situations and universities, but that is one thing I cannot and must not ever doubt-God's promises. I know it'll be ok, even though I don't know how. And thats ok I guess. I don't have to know absolutely everything. I know that God is a warrior, my avenger and that He is fighting my fight for me, walking me through the fire, never faltering, always faithful, ever loving and forever true.

Thank you all for your prayers and kind words. Please continue to be praying for me. God knows I need it. Jamie-thank you. You know for what. I love you all, and I hope that maybe this was encouraging. Not always an easy lesson to learn, but encouraging just the same. God bless ya'll and i'll be praying for you!

Currently Listening The Boy vs. The Cynic By John Reuben Chapter 1 see related

Ok. so at work, there is always music playing............always the same five CD's.........always on a constant loop. The same songs, same artists...over and over again. So I've really gotten accustomed to the songs. Now in case you didn't know this about me, I really don't like female artists. I don't like girl singers or bands, I don't care what type of music. So imagine my irritation that it seems like every ten minutes, the same song by some random chick band called "Barlow Girl" comes on. It was really quite the irritating song....but by the bazillionth time listening to it, i decided to actually try listening to the lyrics, and not just cringing when I heard the song start. So I did. And what I found was a beautiful song, perhaps not musically but lyrically, and it really struck me as something personal and bittersweet and so true. So here are the lyrics. And if on the offchance you feel...compelled to buy the CD.....we have it on sale right now at work for $13.97...haha. There's some subtle advertising for you. jk. Don't come in and buy it. I have to wear these delightful purple apron smock thingeys and they suck. So here you go. The lyrics explain a lot of what i've been feeling lately.....and i'm sure what anyone of us feels at pretty much any given time.....and if you don't feel like this, then maybe you should re-examine your life, and figure out why. It's a beautiful song......thanks Barlow Girls.  haha.

"I Need You To Love Me"

Why, why are You still here with me
Didn't You see what I've done?
In my shame I want to run and hide myself
But it's here I see the truth
I don't deserve You

[Chorus:]
But I need You to love me, and I
I won't keep my heart from You this time
And I'll stop this pretending that I can
Somehow deserve what I already have
I need You to love me

I, I have wasted so much time
Pushing You away from me
I just never saw how You could cherish me
'Cause You're a God who has all things
And still You want me

     [Chorus:]
But I need You to love me, and I
I won't keep my heart from You this time
And I'll stop this pretending that I can
Somehow deserve what I already have
I need You to love me 
                                                            

Your love makes me forget what I have been
Your love makes me see who I really am
Your love makes me forget what I have been

[Chorus:]
But I need You to love me, and I
I won't keep my heart from You this time
And I'll stop this pretending that I can
Somehow deserve what I already have
I need You to love me

I really do desperately need God's love. I know sometimes I manage to fool myself that I dont' need it. or that i can do fine without it. But I do. I need Him to love me so much. We all do. I love you guys sooooooooooo much. I'm praying for you all. And if you take one thing from this entry, I want you to know that you are extravagantly loved by God. Take care, and God bless.

Currently Listening Illinois By Sufjan Stevens see related

So I haven't updated in a while...and i'm sure you all are dying to know whats been going on. (yeah right) ok. so...i've been keeping busy. Work is going well I guess. I don't like working sun or sat....or mon. or thurs....or tues or wed....and friday is a sucky work day too...but it works out i guess. I worked today from 1-10:30...sick. i know. but it turned out to be a pretty good day. If there is one thing i have learned from my job, its that gossiping and talking badly about people makes one look so bitter and unattractive (not in a physical sense). So lets all learn a lesson from this, take life and the people in it with a grain of salt and at least try to say more good than bad. You'll feel better about life. Believe me. Anyways, this week has been nice. Jamie was home. Always nice. Got a lot of hanging out time, always welcome. A lot of talks. Always missed. He and Mandy and I made blueberry muffins at midnight some random night, and layed in a hammock in the freezing cold....and Jamie fell off the hammock into the gravel. It was hilarious. Sorry Jamie. I couldn't leave that out. They guys visited me at work a couple of times. Aside from the fact that they made me find things they really weren't looking for and made me pick up and put away things they left around, the visits were nice. ;) John-quick trivia question. Aaron's (blank) and Daniel and the lion's (blank) equals what about me? haha. So Wed. night, I hung out with Mandy, Jamie, John, Jordan and Jamie...again. We did Wal-Mart...again. We went out to eat...again. haha. i'm seeing a trend guys. We all went to Jasmine's house and watched....hahaha....Baby Geniuses 2 (amazingly sucky in a hilarious kinda way) and The Incredibles, and wound up crashing there. Me and Jasmine walked to the movie theatre with really tall guys...hahaha. ;) Thanksgiving was awesome. I spent the first of the day with Jamie and his family. I've never done the big family get together kinda thing. It was SO much fun. Everybody laughing and making jokes and just sitting around eating. I started a new tradition....Sleeping Beauty. I got the Howard family to watch Sleeping Beauty, and it was amazing. hahah. Then he and I headed back to my house in the evening for our Thankgiving. My step brothers were in town. Big ordeal. Sometimes painful, but it actually turned out really nice. Jamie got kicked in the shin quite suddenly by one of my step brothers, and I haven't laughed that hard in a good while.  Everyone enjoyed having Mike and Jamie play guitar and sing for them. And it was me and Jamie's first with each other's family kinda holiday. I would have to say....it turned out to be a pretty awesome day. The whole day made me so thankful for my family and friends. They really do mean all the world to me, and despite the pain and tears, my friends and family are a huge part of everything I am, and I am a better person b/c of every single one of them. I thank God for blessing me with parents and step parents and siblings and step siblings and my boyfriend and his family and all of my amazing friends. You all bless me so much, you have no idea, and I love you every day more and more. God is awesome. It doesn't take Thanksgiving for me to realize that, but it does give me just one more reason to sit back and think about it. I live a blessed and fortunate life, and I owe it all to Him. I'm not gonna sit here and elaborate on the "meaning of Thanksgiving" and my reflections. He knows me. All i ever have to be is what He made me. I only hope that my life and the things i say and do are blessings to the people around me. I hope and pray that I can bring a little more joy into the lives of people i meet, and the people i love. I pray that God gives me the strength and wisdom and courage to be the person He has set me apart to be. Any more or less would be a step out of His plan. I pray always for the people I love dearly and cherish forever, and I hope their lives be everything they hope for them to be. I pray i never lose sight of the touch of God in my life, and that I am daily recreated with a thankful heart and mind. God has been, is, and always will be so good to me. And I thank Him for loving me, b/c I re-realize everyday how much I desperately need Him to. I love you all, and i'm praying for you. Till next time guys and gals, God bless...and He does.